Too much time on my hands....

I need a hobby. I do not have one, and I find myself with hours to do something, but I have nothing to do. Brandon has picked up golf and loves it, so I need something that I can do at the house or around here (hello... gas is expensive) that will keep me busy. Yes, I could pick up the house, do laundry, etc. but I want something fun to do. I have always been "crafty" and so I am thinking that I need to expand my horizons a bit. Anyone have a hobby that keeps you occupied without too much startup cost? I have a sewing machine, but I can't think of anything to sew. I have scrapbooking stuff, but for this month at least (like that fun innuendo?) we do not have the sapce for me to work on it, so I end up sitting on the floor and hurt like an old lady when I get up. Please help me out... give me some ideas...

We got her!

She is a precious puppy. She is 7 weeks old and is tiny! She is curled up with me while I blog, and Charlie is on the other side. What fun for me!

We may be adopting....

A PUPPY tonight! I am so very excited. We were expectant puppy parents last December (we were the in-laws, Charlie and his sweet girlfriend Chula were better friends than we knew) and it ended terribly. All puppies and the sweet momma were lost, and we think that it was because of the pet food she ate. It tore up Brandon's sister, Chula's mommy, and all of us too. Charlie looked for his girlfriend for a long time, and still responds if you say her name. Since then we have gotten close to adopting a few times, we really have wanted a friend for Charlie, but it has always fallen through. That's why I am not getting too excited (yeah right as I blog about it) until the little one is home with us. Brandon's coworker has a 7 week old female chihuahua (Chula was a chihuahua) that they are looking for a home for. Brandon and I will go and pick her up tonight. I will of course put on pictures if it really happens. I know that it is silly, but we have been wanting a puppy for so long, that it is really neat that it may be finally happening.

One week down, about fifty more to go!

So, I made it through my first week of "dieting." I lost FIVE WHOLE pounds! Yeah me!!!! I am thoroughly excited about this journey, even if I was hungry all the time last week. I am trying to find snacks and meal ideas that are more filling. Anyone have any good ideas? Brandon did great this week too, so we are pumped that this may work. I know that every week won't be this rewarding, but I am glad the first one was. Life is such a journey (I have a blog coming about that) and when you have no idea where you are going, it is nice to find good stops along the way.

I know that I haven't talked about the comments from my last blog. I am realizing I put too much emphasis on the comments of a stranger. I just want to be in a forward motion (another reference to the "journey" idea... I must be really pondering this!!!). Thanks for being patient with me, and letting me vent and voice my opinions on here. It is a good release, and much needed sometimes.

Let's clear the air a little, shall we?

To my friends, thank you for reading and commenting on my blog. I meant my last blog to about the srtuggle of dealing with grief while dieting, not neccesarily focus on the one off handed comment. I rather wanted to give a glimpse of the crazy and hurtful things that people have said to me or about me during this period in my life, and ask how others have dealt with this, as I know many of you have. Thanks for knowing me and my heart. I look forward to reading the book two of y'all recommended me. I am always looking for ways to grow.

To Sarah P. who commented,

"I happen to come across your blog through friends of some friends. I am with you on the weight loss stuff!
About the grief, I just hope your friend doesn't read your blog. I don't know if you are just trying to get a reaction out of people to tell you how great you are or just venting.
Just from past experience, I would check your resources before jumping to conclusions about he said/she said."

Thanks for reading my blog. I believe you misread my venting (and yes, I was venting as many people do on their blogs). I did not call this person a friend, I rather quite certainly did not, all I said was that this was a person that I know that I have not talked to in about two months. Only the person that said this knows who he/she is. I am not ashamed for them to read my blog. If you say something about someone in public, especially false hurtful comments, you should be ok with others knowing about it. I will not apologize or make excuses for other's actions. To be honest, I feel that a major problem our society faces is that we are not responsible for our actions. People say and do whatever they want whenever they want and rarely have to face consequences. My source was reliable, and I took out a lot of the chatter. Again, I was not trying to make this a blog about that one comment, but rather the tole that comments like that take on a person. I will openly admit that I am an emotional eater, and as I am in an emotional state right now, I am admitting that I need encouragement and help. This was an attempt to be vulnerable and honest, and I am sad that you took it for something more sinister and manipulative.
As to whether or not I meant to solicit responses, I made that very clear, but I did not ask for a pat on the back but rather advice on how to respond. I am not writing an online diary, but hope to gather responses and dialog from my entries. Correct me if I am wrong, but I thought that that was the point of blogs.

I invite you all to continue reading and commenting. Since some of you do not know me, I invite you to read a little further back, and see who I am a little deeper than this post. The other comments on here are from people I have know 10 to 20 or more years. So they may have thought that I needed a pat on the back, since that is what friends are for. I have taken off the anonymous comment option, I love comments, but I also like people to be held accountable, you know who I am, so I would like to know who you are. Thanks!

New Adventure

Well, I have debated about whether to tell all my five readers about this, but I decided that I will. I have decided to start a weight loss journey. I would rather call it a "lifestyle change", but until I have lost about 50 pounds I need to focus on the weight loss. My sweet husband has decided to join me, and we have already seen a little progress in just a few days. We are doing a home version of Weight Watchers since there is not a meeting close enough to justify driving. I just want to get healthy. Brandon and I would like to start a family in the next couple of years, and I need to get my body in better shape before we start that. I have learned while taking care of a little one all day, that I need to be a lot healthier to deal with chasing a baby around 24/7. I know that others out there have struggled and overcome with their own weight loss journeys, so any advice and ideas is welcome.

On another completely unrelated note, a certain person called me a "depressed" "shut-in" that needs to "get over" the loss of Momma (paraphrased, but those were the exact phrases used). At first I was livid. How dare someone say this about me, they said this to a friend in town, not even to my face. She hasn't talked to me in about two months, so obviously she has no idea what I have been up to or feeling recently. But after I have thought about it for awhile, I feel sorry for this person. How sad to judge me and my life, especially blindly. I am no where near shut in. I get out daily, going to shop, going over to friends houses, etc. I just haven't hung out with her. Also, how terrible that she thinks you need to get over grief. It is impossible to get over grief. I will never apologize for grieving right now. My sweet hubby has felt the brunt of this attack, reassuring me that there is no certain period of time that I should be over this, and that he knows it will never go away.

How have you out there that have dealt with grief dealt with people like this? How do you handle those that judge you for being sad, and are critical of your ways of grieving? Grief is such a private and personal thing, but yet, so many feel that they need to tell you exactly what to do and what to feel. I know that I have used food to silence painful thoughts, and that is why I am the weight that I am. I would be foolish to think that I could change my eating habits without being honest about my feelings. It is going to be a struggle to not eat my way through hard times, but I want to learn how.

Take a second....

I don't know if you have heard of this family or not, but I have been sucked is by their blog. Nathan, the author, is the husband of a woman who is courageously and graciously battling cystic fibrosis. They had a beautiful daughter 12 weeks ago that was born very premature, and is growing and developing with God's grace. They found out today that there is a possible donor for a lung transplant. They have had a false alarm before, so I can only imagine the pins and needles they are waiting on. Tricia (mom) needs the transplant to be able to fully enjoy her daughter and husband without being attached to a ventilator and in the hospital. Please pray that these are the lungs for her, and if they are, that the surgery goes well. I only watched my Momma suffer with a lung disease for a few days, but I have a tender spot for those that suffer with any lung disease.

Take time and catch up with their family when you have a chance, and remember them if your prayers. We have an awesome God and I believe that His plan is perfect.

Their blog in case my links don't work: cfhusband.blogspot.com