Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Today is Brandon and my second anniversary. We talked last night about how we had been through a lot these past two years, but that we are so glad to have each other. I would not trade a day for what I have with Brandon. He is the best husband and friend. He has blessed my life so much, and I do not think that I could have made it this year with out him.

Happy anniversary baby, I love you!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter

I hope that everyone had a wonderful Easter. We had a wonderful with our friends. We spent the day with our friends that have a precious 3 month old and his parents and sister. It was so nice to be with them all day, and I made it through the day tear free. I loved watching Josie's grandparents dote over her all day. Brandon and I took some precious pictures of her in her Easter dress, and as soon as we get them downloaded I will post a few. I took a bunch of them, I want to practice my photography skills and build my portfolio, and Josie (and her parents :) ) is a great helper!

I am again reminded that God has an amazing plan for Brandon and me, and I cannot wait to see it unfold. The glimpses I get are breathtaking, and I know that everything that has happened has happened for a reason. We have been blessed with an amazing family of friends that helps bridge the gaps between us and our families hundreds of miles away. I pray that you all have friends that help you, and I pray that I can be that friend to others.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I miss my momma

Thanks guys for all of your encouraging comments. I agree with the majority that say to keep blogging about the real stuff. So here I go...

I miss my Momma. Every day I think of her. I catch myself thinking about talking to her about something, or forget for just a second that she is gone, and my heart aches all over again. I know that it has been awhile, almost 5 months, but I still hurt. Lately we have had some disappointments and I have never needed Momma's advice more. While our relationship wasn't perfect in the past, since adulthood Momma and I had become close. Any time something happened, I would call her for her advice, and mostly for her prayers. I think that not knowing she is there to pray for me is the hardest of all. After every bad call I got working for the state I would call her and have her pray for the child involved. She would never forget what I had asked her to pray about, and she would always follow up on it with me later. Any time someone was sick, one call to her and I knew that they would be covered in prayer.

Brandon and I have made a huge change moving away from our families, and it has been the best decision we have made (I will blog about that later), but it hasn't been without its hardships. I have been lonely, and thankfully have made wonderful friends that help with that, but we experienced another loss just recently. The friends that helped us move out here have separated themselves from us. It has been stressful and couldn't have come at a worse time. All I have wanted to do is call Momma and tell her what has happened. I want to hear what she would tell me to do. It is so hard that I cannot. It isolates me even more.

Grief is such a difficult emotion to overcome. It can be overwhelming. It takes over my dreams, my thoughts, and clouds everything that is going on around me. Struggles that we are having wouldn't be as bad if I wasn't grieving. But I can't pretend anymore. I am grieving. I do not know how long it will take to feel better. I have felt better a little bit everyday, but setbacks are hard to overcome. I know that others have experienced losses, how did you recover? What did you do to help you when you ached for a lost loved one?

Thanks for your patience and understanding. I am glad to be back blogging, I hope you are glad too!

Monday, March 3, 2008

Why do we blog?

I love blogs. I love "keeping up" with friends through their pictures and updates online. If it wasn't for blogs, I wouldn't know about 85% of what I do about my friends. But I am at a rock and a hard place when it comes to blogging... what do people want to know?

As many of you know, this has been a very rough few months for me, full of changes, not all bad at all, but changes nonetheless. Brandon and I started out the changes by moving out to West Texas so that Brandon could take a job in IT. That was a great move for us, but it hasn't been without its own struggles. Then, within weeks of moving, I lost my mother within hours of finding out she had a life threatening disease. I went down to help her recover from what we thought was a bad case of pneumonia, and ended up staying to plan her memorial service. The blog world comforted and mourned with me during this time. I feel as though this blog has provided me with a place to vent, to unwind, but it hasn't been without struggles. If I go beyond just what is happening, and write about my feelings, I have always had someone get their feelings hurt, most of the time, completely unintentionally.

Thus, the reason for weeks of nonblogging. Is this blog merely a place for pictures and short updates, or should blogs be able to be deeper than that? I love reading about others and their joys and struggles. I have learned so much from others getting real on their blogs and sharing what truly is on their minds and their hearts. So I am really contemplating... do I dare blog about what is on my mind, or do I keep posting pictures and quick updates. Does the blog world think that I share too much? I do not want to just complain on here, there are wonderful things that are happening too, but even those blogs bring on unsolicited negative comments as well. Is it worth it?

I'd love your input. What do you think? I'm debating this and I guess my next post will tell what I have decided.

OK, So it has been forever......

I know that I haven't posted in forever. I will soon. But thanks for checking in in the meantime. At least the blog looks pretty. Thanks Melody for your fantastic blog redo!