Thursday, March 20, 2008

I miss my momma

Thanks guys for all of your encouraging comments. I agree with the majority that say to keep blogging about the real stuff. So here I go...

I miss my Momma. Every day I think of her. I catch myself thinking about talking to her about something, or forget for just a second that she is gone, and my heart aches all over again. I know that it has been awhile, almost 5 months, but I still hurt. Lately we have had some disappointments and I have never needed Momma's advice more. While our relationship wasn't perfect in the past, since adulthood Momma and I had become close. Any time something happened, I would call her for her advice, and mostly for her prayers. I think that not knowing she is there to pray for me is the hardest of all. After every bad call I got working for the state I would call her and have her pray for the child involved. She would never forget what I had asked her to pray about, and she would always follow up on it with me later. Any time someone was sick, one call to her and I knew that they would be covered in prayer.

Brandon and I have made a huge change moving away from our families, and it has been the best decision we have made (I will blog about that later), but it hasn't been without its hardships. I have been lonely, and thankfully have made wonderful friends that help with that, but we experienced another loss just recently. The friends that helped us move out here have separated themselves from us. It has been stressful and couldn't have come at a worse time. All I have wanted to do is call Momma and tell her what has happened. I want to hear what she would tell me to do. It is so hard that I cannot. It isolates me even more.

Grief is such a difficult emotion to overcome. It can be overwhelming. It takes over my dreams, my thoughts, and clouds everything that is going on around me. Struggles that we are having wouldn't be as bad if I wasn't grieving. But I can't pretend anymore. I am grieving. I do not know how long it will take to feel better. I have felt better a little bit everyday, but setbacks are hard to overcome. I know that others have experienced losses, how did you recover? What did you do to help you when you ached for a lost loved one?

Thanks for your patience and understanding. I am glad to be back blogging, I hope you are glad too!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dee,

I wish, more than anything, that I could be with you right now. I would love to buy you a Sonic drink or maybe another drink... : ) I did the whole moving thing about the same time you did. It's hard...and I cannot imagine all of these other things that you are dealing with on top of that! I did not know your mother that well...but I know that she was so proud of you. You could see it in her face. I'm proud of you too.

And...I miss you bunches. Fly north...spend a couple of days in AK. : )

Davita

Katey said...

DeeDee-

About the grieving thing... you don't recover. When we lost my nephew, everything reminded me of him, everyday I woke up with a physical pain from missing him, and we only had him for 2 months. Even now- 6 months later- it still hurts like hell; and it's hard to describe that or to talk about it. But it's real, and I don't think you ever recover. My family has not even allowed ourselves to say that things are "back to normal", we just say that we are in a new reality. And it sneaks up on you, even when you think you've "gotten over it" or the grieving is past, then you get knocked on your butt again and that reminds you. All I can tell you is writing about it at least allows you to talk it out. That is the hardest, keeping it all in; so let it out in whatever form works for you.

And since it is your Mom that you are grieving for, you have all those memories and things that make you smile; you can always have those thoughts to look back on. Davita is right- I only met your Mom once or twice, but she loved you so much and was so proud of you. I hope you also know that there are people who think about you and what you're dealing with all the time- take comfort in that and don't be afraid to lean on those friends. I've been struck humble by the friends who will just randomly call and tell me to talk about it- it helps. Anyway, I hope some of this helped you, or at least made you feel less alone in your grief. If you ever want to email me and talk about it (or vent about it) please do it. We're in different, but similar grief places. Love you girl!

Katey Earles
ktearles@yahoo.com

Elaine Williams said...

Hi: I am sorry for your loss. I'm a widow of four years and there are still some moments that are hard to get through. Just remember what you loved about your mother, the good times growing up and the special moments. She will always be close to you because of the wonderful memories you have of her.

Anonymous said...

DeeDee~I usually don't comment on blogs, but I really felt you speaking to me today. I always remember your mom being such an encouragement, and I know you are missing her words of wisdom and advice with all the changes in your life. Just remember--you can still talk to Mary through prayer. I lost my grandma in November, and I find myself talking to her all the time when I'm by myself. My neighbors must think I'm crazy! I find that I get a lot of comfort still by talking to her, and funny enough, I can imagine just how she would respond to me.
Give me a call sometime. I miss you! Love ya--Megan

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